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All About Avoidant Wives
In the world of psychology and relationship advice, there are seemingly infinite resources on how men act when they have an avoidant attachment style. This makes sense, since more often, men are the...
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6 Surprising Things You May Not Realize About Attachment!
Most people don’t realize that attachment theory is a lot deeper than whether you’re the pursuer or distancer, although that framework is certainly useful to start with. Attachment theory is a...
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Attachment Overview: Cliffs Notes About Attachment Styles!
Attachment theory is a tremendous field of research that is fascinating to learn about, it started in the 1960’s. It basically stated that the way our parent/primary caregiver interacts with us when we...
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Do Not Marry An Emotionally Unavailable Man: He Won’t Get Better But You Will
Many young women marry guys who are emotionally unavailable because they have low self-esteem. Thankfully, in the future most of them develop higher self-esteem. But the downside to this is that when...
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When Your Wife Says You Never Pay Attention To Her
One of the most common complaints I see in couples therapy is that the woman feels she never has the man’s full focus, except in bed. (Even then, guys who struggle with inattention are often...
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The “We Do What We Want” Marriage And Why It Leads To Sexlessness When Her...
Listen to a podcast about this idea here! Many couples are in a marriage where the implicit contract is “The most important thing is that we each do exactly what we want at all times.” The corollary to...
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6 Reasons Your Partner Says You Don’t Love Them
Many clients insist to me that they really love their partners, but their partners frequently say that they don’t feel loved at all. There are many reasons for this disconnect, across arenas from...
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6 Reasons You Experience Retroactive Jealousy
Listen to a podcast about this here! Many people struggle with retroactive jealousy, which is when you are jealous of a partner’s past romantic or sexual partners. Some of the most common...
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“Getting Emotionally Closer Will Lead To Sex” Only Works For These Women
Many, many of my couples clients end up in my office after spending years with other couples therapists who told them, “When you get emotionally closer, the sex will follow.” When this doesn’t work,...
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Your Whole Relationship Can Be Understood Through The Lens Of Your First Meeting
Many people act like it is a surprise that their partner turned out to hate sex or be emotionally avoidant or anything else, but this is decidedly not the case. From the very first moment you felt...
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The Elephant In The Room Of Your Relationship: You’re Settling For A Lack Of...
This podcast episode with the same title as this post was very popular and led to many people reaching out to tell me how it resonated with their experience. I wanted to expand into a post, for my...
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When You Are Disgusted By Need
Many people are secretly disgusted by need, and this is a hallmark of avoidant attachment. In the bedroom, this can also manifest as being scared or disgusted by your partner’s desire, as I discuss...
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When You Are The Rejected Partner, It May Keep You In A Limerent Stage
Interestingly, the term “limerence” has come back in style. This term can be found in the 1979 book Love and Limerence by Dorothy Tennov. Limerence is “first and foremost a condition of cognitive...
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The Gentleman Eunuch: How To Stop Attracting Women Who Aren’t Sexually Open
Listen to a podcast episode about this topic here! Many guys just blame their partner or fate for their sexless marriages, but this is intellectually lazy. The men who end up in better relationships,...
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Why Do Avoidant Women Change Less Frequently Than Avoidant Men?
After my podcast episode on avoidant wives, many men reached out for therapy or further questions. I have been talking about and working with avoidant women and avoidant men for the entirety of my...
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6 Ways For Men To Work On Preoccupied Attachment
A lot of men struggle with preoccupied attachment and low self-esteem, which ends up pushing their relationship into a pursuer-distancer dynamic. They constantly worry that their wife isn’t close...
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“But Wouldn’t Most People Act The Same With All Partners?”
Listen to a podcast episode about this here! The headline of this post is a question that I am asked frequently in counseling, whether directly or indirectly. Here are the two main reasons it is...
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You Cannot Make A Spouse More Romantic, BUT…
There are many types of couples where one is more romantic than the other. Some of these pairings work better than others. In a pursuer-distancer dynamic, one partner has a preoccupied attachment...
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Men: You Have More Agency In Your Relationship Than You Think
Many men think their wives’ moods are like the weather, and they have no agency over how their wife reacts in any situation. This, especially when coupled with their wife being the gatekeeper of...
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Treat Your Partner As Well As You Treat Your Kids
Many people will not admit how much they yearn for unconditional love and devotion within an adult intimate relationship. Instead, they talk about working together as a team, ensuring that no person...
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